Dating after divorce or loss: starting again
You may want to meet someone new and still feel unsure about where to begin. There's no timetable you have to follow. You can be honest about your past, take things at your own pace, and get to know someone without deciding everything at once.
In short
- There's no right waiting period. Start when you want to get to know someone new.
- Be honest about your previous marriage, but you don't owe anyone the whole story on a first date.
- If you have children, introduce someone new gradually, once the relationship is serious and stable.
- Be clear about which family situations you're open to when meeting someone.
When to start
There's no right number of months. Some people want to meet someone new sooner, others later. You can still have complicated feelings about your past and be open to a new relationship. What matters is whether you're interested in getting to know someone for who they are. If you're unsure, there's no rush. Talking it through with someone you trust or a professional can help.
How to talk about the past
Be straightforward about having been married before. You don't need to explain everything on a first date. If you have children, mention that early too. You can share more as you get to know each other. Some people may have different expectations, and it's better to find that out than to feel you have to hide part of your life.
Children and blended families
- Take your time. If you have children, wait until the relationship is serious and stable before introducing someone new.
- Talk about it early. Ask how the other person sees a blended family, having children together in the future, and making room for children from a previous marriage.
- Give everyone time. Children may need time to adjust to someone new. There's no need to rush that.
Building a family again
A new relationship doesn't have to look like the one you had before. You may have a clearer idea of what matters to you now, or you may still be figuring that out. You don't need all the answers before meeting someone. Focus on the person in front of you and the life you might build together. Signs you are ready for marriage and a family.
Second time around on La'ad
La'ad uses the Jewish approach to matchmaking, and anyone can join. An AI matchmaker gets to know you through a conversation and suggests one introduction at a time. You can state your family status and choose whether you're open to someone single, divorced or widowed. There's also a preference for whether you'd consider someone whose previous marriage was short. Religious and community matching rules still apply, including no matches between Jewish and non-Jewish members. Joining is free.
Questions
How long should you wait after divorce before dating?
There's no fixed number of months. What matters is whether you want to get to know someone new, not how much time has passed. You can take things slowly and see how you feel.
When should I mention my children?
If you have children, mention them early, in the first few dates. You don't need to share every detail right away. Wait until the relationship is serious and stable before introducing a new partner to them.
Can I choose to meet only divorced or widowed people?
Yes. You can choose which family statuses you're open to, including only divorced or widowed people. There's also a separate preference for whether you'd consider someone whose previous marriage was short.
Want to try a shidduch the La'ad way?
Start with a conversation, then meet one person at a time. Open to everyone, and joining is free.