Tired of dating apps? Here's what to try instead
You can spend hours swiping and still know very little about anyone. Chats start, fade, and start again with someone new. If you want a serious relationship, try fewer options and more time getting to know one person.
In short
- According to the Pew Research Center, 46% of US online daters describe their experience as negative.
- In an experiment, Sheena Iyengar and Mark Lepper found that a larger selection made choosing harder and left people less satisfied.
- Try fewer apps, fewer conversations at once, and more time getting to know each person.
- Be clear that you're looking for a serious relationship, and meet people who want the same.
You are not alone
According to a Pew Research Center survey (2023), about 3 in 10 US adults have used a dating site or app, and 46% of them describe their experience as at least somewhat negative. Chats can disappear without an explanation. Profiles start to look alike. And you may not know who is looking for something serious.
Why it wears you out
- Too many options. In a well-known experiment by Sheena Iyengar and Mark Lepper, people offered a large selection were less likely to choose at all, and those who chose were less satisfied. More profiles do not necessarily make it easier to choose.
- Decisions by photo. Swiping asks you to judge someone before you have had a conversation.
- Different intentions. Some people want a serious relationship. Others do not. It is not always obvious which is which.
- Easy to move on. When another profile is one swipe away, you might stop getting to know someone too early.
What to do instead
- Take a break. If swiping feels like a chore, step away for a few weeks.
- Choose one app. Keep the one that fits what you're looking for, rather than checking several.
- Have fewer conversations. Give yourself time to get to know one person instead of juggling ten shallow chats.
- Say what you want. If you want a family or a serious relationship, be clear about it early.
- Meet people in other ways. Tell friends you're looking. Join a community or try activities you enjoy.
A different approach to matchmaking
La'ad uses the Jewish approach to matchmaking, and anyone can join. An AI matchmaker gets to know you through a conversation, then suggests one introduction at a time and explains why. There is no feed or swiping. Photos are revealed only when asked, and chat opens only when both sides want it. Religious and community matching rules still apply, including no matches between Jewish and non-Jewish members. Joining is free. More on serious relationships with La'ad.
Questions
Why are dating apps so exhausting?
Many rely on endless profiles, quick decisions by photo and several chats at once. Research on choice overload shows that more options can make choosing harder and leave people less satisfied.
Is there a dating app without swiping?
Yes. Some matchmaking services focus on introductions instead of a profile feed. Look for one that gives you time to consider a person and makes clear when a conversation can begin.
Should I delete all my dating apps?
Not necessarily. Try using just one that fits your intentions, and keep meeting people through friends, community and shared activities.
Want to try a shidduch the La'ad way?
Start with a conversation, then meet one person at a time. Open to everyone, and joining is free.