Matchmaker or Dating App: Which Works for You?
A human matchmaker can get to know you personally and suggest someone based on experience. An app can help you meet people outside your usual circles. There's also a third approach that combines technology with the idea of matchmaking. Each has advantages and limitations. Here's how to decide what suits you.
In short
- A human matchmaker can offer personal knowledge and judgment. The number of introductions and their pace depend on their connections and availability.
- Swipe-based apps give you more options and control, but can also mean too many profiles and quick decisions based on photos.
- Some apps follow the idea of a shidduch, a traditional Jewish introduction made with marriage in mind, and suggest one person at a time.
- There's no single right choice. Think about who makes the introductions, how much privacy you want, what it costs and what pace suits you.
How the three approaches compare
| Matchmaker | Swipe app | App that works like a shidduch | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Who picks the suggestion | The matchmaker suggests; both people decide | You choose from a feed | The service suggests; both people decide |
| Personal knowledge | Can be deep, depending on how well they know you | Usually starts with a profile and photos | Questions and conversation about values and goals |
| Reach | Depends on the matchmaker's connections | Depends on the app's user base | Depends on the service, one suggestion at a time |
| Pace | Depends on the matchmaker's availability and both people's interest | Many options, sometimes at once | One introduction at a time |
| Privacy | Depends on how the matchmaker handles information | Depends on the app's visibility settings | Depends on the service |
| Cost | Varies; some charge a registration or matchmaking fee | Often free with paid extras | Depends on the service |
When a human matchmaker makes sense
If you want someone experienced to get to know you personally, think about possible introductions and guide you through the process, a human matchmaker may be a good choice. In Jewish communities, a matchmaker is often called a shadchan or shadchanit. Someone who knows your community well may have connections and context that an app doesn't. On the other hand, the number of suggestions depends on their network, their availability affects the pace, and there may be a fee. It's worth asking how they work and what you can expect.
When an app makes sense
An app can help you meet people outside your circle of friends or community. On swipe-based apps, you choose from profiles yourself, often without waiting for someone to make an introduction. The downside is that too many options can get tiring, and first impressions are often based on photos. Not every app works the same way. Check how introductions begin, who uses the service and whether people are looking for the same kind of relationship you are.
The third approach: matchmaking through an app
Some services combine the convenience of an app with the idea of a shidduch: getting to know someone before suggesting an introduction. La'ad is one of them. You start with a conversation with an AI matchmaker about your life, values and the relationship you're looking for. Then you receive one introduction at a time, with an explanation of why that person may be worth meeting. There's no feed or swiping. Photos appear later, and direct chat opens only when both people want to continue. The approach comes from Jewish matchmaking tradition and is open to anyone looking for a serious relationship. Joining is free.
Questions to help you decide
- What are you looking for right now: a relationship leading to marriage, or meeting people without a fixed goal?
- Would you rather have a person get to know you and suggest introductions, or make the choices yourself?
- How much privacy do you want? Who can see your profile and photos?
- What pace suits you: one introduction at a time, or several options at once?
- Are there matchmakers or other ways to meet people in your community that might suit you?
You don't have to choose just one approach. You can work with a matchmaker, tell friends you're looking and use an app that fits what you want.
Questions
Is a human matchmaker better than an app?
Not necessarily. A human matchmaker can offer personal knowledge and experience. An app can introduce you to people beyond your existing circles. Some services combine a conversation with suggestions made through technology. What matters is which approach suits you.
How much does a matchmaker cost?
Prices vary widely. Some matchmakers volunteer, some charge a registration fee, and in some communities it is customary to pay a matchmaking fee after an engagement. Ask about costs before you start.
Are dating apps suitable for religious Jews?
Some are, depending on how they handle modesty, privacy, introductions and Shabbat observance. La'ad, for example, closes on Shabbat, and its website displays a letter of blessing from Rabbi Micha Halevi, Chief Rabbi of Petah Tikva. The letter is a blessing, not a religious certification.
Want to try a shidduch the La'ad way?
Start with a conversation, then meet one person at a time. Open to everyone, and joining is free.